In this Section
Reasons NOT to Fire your Nanny
FAQs about (includes Severance!)
Introduction
Over the past 10 years, we here at Park Slope Parents have heard a range of reasons why families have had to fire their Nanny. We’ve received the extreme (and extremely rare) stories from parents who fired their Nanny over serious issues like child neglect, theft and alcohol abuse. But we also hear more from parents who want to terminate their caregiver without a “due cause,” citing issues like language barriers, lifestyle differences, schedule changes and even the very basic “it’s not you, it’s me” scenario as grounds for termination. And even when there are parents who have had to let their Nanny go with legitimate reasons (like poor job performance and failing to meet expectations) – no matter what the cause, it is a tough situation to deal with. As one Park Slope Parents member commented, “it is really gut wrenching to "fire" someone and threaten their livelihood.”
Firing a Nanny needs to be handled with caution. It can be an emotional and difficult situation for all involved. For parents, it can raise complex questions like how much severance to offer, what notice period to give and more. It can also bring up worries over retaliation and guilt.
Reasons for firing a Nanny
- Breaking the Nanny Agreement
- Lying
- Theft
- Your needs and schedules change
- You are moving
Reasons Not To Fire Your Nanny
- Jealousy. It’s a good thing your kids love your Nanny! Don’t feel threatened by the child/ caretaker relationship, instead embrace that your family is being so well taken care of.
- You have set unrealistic expectations
- You are micromanaging
- You haven’t allowed enough time for the Nanny to settle in! One parent shares with Park Slope Parents, “I stopped and took a deep breath and had to realize that she couldn't read my mind. So I made a point to explain how I liked everything done. It wound up working out great. Give her one more week and try to train her, then replace her if she doesn't catch on.”
Firing: With a Contract
If you have followed our Step by Step Guide to Hiring a Nanny, a trial period and a contract/ written agreement is already in place. We cannot stress enough how important it is to have these two things in place.
The first thing to do when contemplating letting your Nanny go is to refer to what is outlined in the Nanny contract and go over what is expected and promised from you AND the Nanny. Having this information on hand in the termination process will make firing your Nanny a lot easier. Use the contract to refer to reasons why you need to fire the Nanny.
In addition, your contract/ work agreement should also include policy for termination, non-negotiables (like smoking, behavior, etc), your commitment to severance, written warning, and a notice period.
If you do not have any of these in place, we strongly advise you to set up a written agreement with your next Nanny. Read HERE about the benefits of having a Nanny Contract.
Firing: Without a Nanny Contract
According to New York State, if there is no contract to restrict firing, an employer has the right to discharge an employee at any time for any reason. New York State is an “employment-at-will” state, meaning employment can be terminated with little or no notice. You cannot however, fire an employee based on race, creed, national origin, age, handicap, gender, sexual orientation or marital status.
Severance
If your nanny leaves, there is no need to offer severance pay, but if you initiate the release, you should strongly consider giving her a couple weeks pay. According to the PSP Nanny Survey, Two weeks severance pay is standard.
You are not under legal obligation to give your nanny severance pay, and oftentimes how much severance pay you give your nanny may depend on the reason for her termination and her job performance. It is, however, generally more professional to do so in cases in which the nanny did not violate any expectations or do very unacceptable things while on the job (ie: if it was just a bad fit and wasn't working out).
FAQs about Firing Your Nanny
Question: What should I tell my child about the nanny getting fired?
- If you’re firing the nanny because of lateness, inattentiveness, etc., your childness doesn’t need to know that.
- Keep it simple and straightforward. It’s okay if your child doesn’t know the whole truth beyond knowing that the nanny is not going to be with them anymore.
- Make sure they know that it’s not their fault the nanny is leaving (kids can sometimes take responsibility for things that aren’t their fault)
- Let your child be sad, but don’t assume that s/he will be.
- Allow the child to draw a picture or write a letter/card to the nanny if it’s appropriate. That can be cathartic. If you don't want to have contact with the nanny you don't have to send it.
- Don’t make up fibs or false scenarios; it could backfire.
- If you’re getting a new nanny then focus on how excited you are about the new nanny. “Betsey isn’t going to be with us anymore, but a new nanny is going to take over and pick you up from school, etc.”
- Don’t borrow tomorrow’s troubles. Kids are pretty resilient. Don't assume they will be adversely affected by the nanny's absense..
Question: Should I pay my Nanny severance even though her termination is a “Just Cause?”
Replies:
“As several of you pointed out, there was "just cause" which would negate the contract or eliminate the need to pay severance. Therefore I settled on 2 weeks of severance pay as a reasonable compromise.”
Question: “We have some major communication problems and big differences in the way we approach childcare. I suspect she'd be an extraordinary sitter for the right family, but she's not the right fit for us. Also, my work schedule is changing and we need a sitter with different availability. We've decided to terminate her employment, but don't know what's appropriate-- do we give her "notice" or give her severance? I suspect the latter, but it just feels so abrupt and cold. Then again, I don't want her to keep caring for our son if she's angry at us. I'd like to emphasize that this isn't as much about "her" as it is that our situation is changing.”
Replies:
“I strongly recommend the severance option. I have had to terminate two nannies at different times for somewhat different reasons It is a hard situation and you just don't know their response. I'd be as generous as you can be with money to ease it and offer to do references and maybe to post for her if you are willing.”
“I would give severance pay and let her go. I too would not want her to care for my child after giving her notice. She could be a great nanny but you never know what her attitude might be after being fired.”
“I would suggest that you just tell her that circumstances have changed in your household and that you can no longer employ her, give her a date in mind, maybe next week and just let that be it. Don't go into details and let the next family be the judge if she is right for them.”
“This is a mixed bag, as I know of people who have terminated nannies and gave them notice. I have a friend who terminated because the nanny got into a fight with her mother, however still helped nanny find another job and extended lead time. So it really depends on how comfortable you feel with the notice period and her watching your child. If you don't want her around, then I would suggest telling her one day that your work situation has changed and unfortunately you really enjoyed having her, but will need to make this her last day, you are sorry this is shocking, but your work adjustment is hard for you to digest also. You can give her a week or two of severance - I did read that in the Domestic Workers Bill of Rights, they should get severance of 1 week per year, although I am not sure if this really applies if you are paying her off the books. This would be as a courtesy to her for your peace of conscience.
You shouldn't feel guilty about letting her go. You are right - she's probably fabulous for another family, but maybe just not yours. The unfortunate thing is that these nannies want a long term job and so do we, but the child is the focus and sometime what we are looking for, what is best for the child, and what the nanny can offer in terms of her approach do not intersect.”
“I'm sure there are a variety of opinions on this, but I work in the labor movement and the Domestic Workers United movement is one that I greatly admire. I find them to be a good guide to "best practices" in my role as the employer of a nanny. Here's a link to their "For Employers" guidelines, at least half of which, I freely confess , I don't yet follow because I can't afford them. Hope this helps in some minute way: http://domesticemployers.org/employers .”
“First, I would say that you should be very careful about who you talk to about this situation. A lot of nannies are friends, and you may accidentally talk to someone who employs a friend of your nanny's...and the game of telephone could easily get out of hand. So just be careful what information you share with people. Simple advice but I got burned because I didn't do it. We had cause to fire our nanny, but I ultimately felt responsible for letting things get to the point they did.
I had suspicions of wrong doing, but I never addressed them head on. I let them fester until someone in the community reached out to me. Anyway, long story short, I felt partly responsible, so I gave her three weeks severance. Added to that was the one week pay I gave her at the time. So in all, she got four weeks.
I was very concerned about retaliation, so I was not up front about why I was letting her go. It ended up coming out eventually (we had many many exchanges after I let her go) and I realize it would have
been better to be honest, from the beginning. We waited until the Friday after my suspicions were confirmed to let her go. Meaning, she watched our child two days after that. I worked at home those days. It felt like a good compromise.”
“Your child is the most important thing here, give the nanny two weeks of severance and just tell her that relationship is just not working out. You don't need to say more!”
“Last year, we fired our nanny because we had strong suspicions that she was drinking on the job. As soon as we realized what was going on, we ended it. We gave her two weeks severance and told we no longer required her services. Even though we were firing her for cause, we decided to pay her the two weeks, as stipulated in her contract. We did not want to get into a back and forth because we did not have definite proof and we could not see the value in arguing over it. There were indications that she was planning to blame her suspicious behavior on a medical condition. The bottom line was, we no longer trusted her with our kids.
It was a stressful final meeting but we were careful not go into detail and to simply say, "this is no longer working for us." I still fume over the situation but it was cleaner to pay her two weeks and leave it at that then have a long, drawn out fight with her.”
Question: I am a new parent and have employed my nanny now for 3 months. I am having doubts about her and am not sure what to do. I don't think she is interacting with my daughter enough. I basically feel like she is lazy and not right for our family and i am thinking of gently letting her go. I am just not good at confrontation and believe she is the type of person if i said all of this too her it wouldn't go down well. I guess I am a bit scared of bringing this up as I don't think anything would change. I am really in need of some advice. Has anyone been through a similar situation?
Replies:
“I'd go with your gut instincts on this one. It sounds like you should probably cut your losses and find someone new. It seems that she is not listening to you and I've found that if you're not happy with a caregiver it is better to find a new one sooner rather than later, especially with a baby who is so little... This nanny stuff is so hard.”
"I think you have to let your nanny go with some severance. My advice to you, having had nannies, is to put the child in daycare. There is always structured playtime, and I believe it can be less expensive than the nanny, depending on what you're paying her. You can never be sure what one individual is doing all day with you child while you're out - you can install cameras but who really wants to bother with that? I had a great experience with daycare, my son went since he was 10 months (i would have put him sooner but I had no work at the time), and it's also more dependable since you don't have to worry about a nanny not showing up or calling in sick, etc. I know this doesn't necessarily answer your question, just letting you know there are options out there. If you do choose to keep a nanny, I would definitely let this one go - you don't have to explain everything to her, it's none of her business really, and find someone who will take care of your baby the way you want them to. After all, you are paying them your hard earned money. If you were slacking off at your job, I'm sure the bosses would take action. Same situation except more important because it's your baby.”
“Not honoring your reasonable requests is another red flag. Since it hasn't been very long, I think letting her go now w/ severance is the right thing to do, it will get harder the longer you wait (I speak from experience).”
“I disagree that you need to give severance. You are firing her for cause. In other employment contexts, someone fired for cause is not entitled to severance. You may choose to, but that would be generous of you to do so (combined with the fact that she's been working with you for a very short period of time).”
“I, too, had to fire a nanny (for lying to us and other things) and understand your worries about potential repercussions. After all, this woman knows where you live, has a copy of your keys! In the end, we "ate" two weeks of severance, I told her many nice things about her (all true), kept every single last complaint to myself, and we parted very amicably. We then found the most wonderful nanny in the world after her departure, and I feel lucky and blessed every day that she is with my family. There are real-life Mary Poppinses out there. Just keep looking!”
Question: Are my expectations too high?
"We hired a part time nanny (20 hours) during covid (Nov 2021) since I was starting a new job. My husband works non-stop and has an extremely stressful job. Since we rely on having consistent child care because neither of us has family locally, we pay generously for guaranteed hours (3 pm - 7 pm). We pay $30/hr for 1 child and give 9 weeks of paid vacation throughout the year.However, our current nanny is inflexible with her schedule. Whenever I ask about covering a date night or working past 7 pm, she has to get back to me and then tells me she is busy. She has not worked a single weekend for the past 3 years. Even when I gave a month's notice about needing another pair of hands for a couple of hours to set up my daughter's birthday party. She is also not doing things that are a part of the nanny agreement: all child's laundry, keeping the kid's room organized/clean, and making no efforts to organize play dates. She is not engaged, just reads while working instead of initiating games, providing interaction with my daughter. At her 2 year anniversary, she requested a raise and is now getting paid $858/week for part time hours (20 hours). This works out to her being paid $3,432/month. My husband and daughter do not like change and I have been dealing with a personal illness so this has carried on for longer than it should have. I am at a loss, is this normal in NYC? Am I expecting too much? Since it will be me driving any change, I need reassurances that my situation can improve with someone new."
Replies:
"As an experienced hirer of nannies once said to me: 'Attitude is all. What you see is just the tip of the iceberg.' I think you have to look for a new nanny. It’s a pain but it’s necessary. The reading rather than interacting with your child is a no-no. The rest just adds more evidence that this nanny doesn’t have the right attitude to the job and is exploiting your willingness to pay above usual rates. (Admittedly, I may be out of date on the pay, but I doubt it.)"
"I am so so sorry to hear you are dealing with this. Personally, this isn't acceptable. And this is something I've learned from experience and has helped me in the hiring process moving forward. No one likes change, and it's so hard to imagine, but I promise you that there is someone else out there who can accommodate your small asks and would love to take a job for $30/hr. Your hours and vacation time are more than desirable - they are so generous. I also think an annual increase of just a few dollars (or a weekly increase of $50-$100) is the norm, or at least what my friends and I have always done. If you look for someone new, be clear with your expectations and make sure they understand you want someone who can do the occasional weekend or after-hours work. Being engaged is more important to me than anything else. I'd love a nanny to do my kids' laundry, but honestly, I've let that one go. Cleaning up her play stuff, making friends (aka a Nanny Posse) and organizing playdates are a must too. As your child gets older, it may also include different asks- going food shopping for the family, cleaning out clothing that is too small, etc."
"No you are not asking too much. At that rate with those benefits (9 weeks paid a year!) you should find someone amazing. We pay our babysitter $90/day to pick up both of our kids at 2:10 and then I get home around 5:45 or 6pm. She is always flexible, willing to stay late and come in on the weekends. Her mom and several of her family members are nannies too for families that are very high earners (not us) and our sitter very much knows she has a good deal--which tells me what we pay is on par with what other get. We pay all holidays that we get paid for, and pay her when we are away for vacation. She gets 5PTO days a year. We are also very flexible with her and if she needs time off we give it to her, but one year she was finishing up college and we had to cobble together random babysitters and it was such a disaster. At $30/hour for one kid you should be getting a top of the line nanny. I have to ask our babysitter to do less with our kids because they are running around doing so many things and our kids have developed super tight bonds with the other kids her aunt and mom nanny for. I joke that she is always willing to come in and take more of our money, because she is. And yes, sometimes she says no to watching the kids or has other plans, but 9 times out of 10 she is available. We also absolutely love her, are going to her mom's birthday next week and will likely travel to Mexico with her to visit her family since we have all become so close. I would look for someone new without hesitation."
"100% this can get better with a new nanny that you are not overpaying. She isn't doing what are the terms of the job for a very high rate. You can easily find someone that will do what you need. Get a new nanny."
"I agree with everyone else, you can find someone better. Do be clear about what you're looking for in posting an ad/interviewing. Finding a new nanny can take time, so give yourself that time, especially with your health issues. Also, once you've spoken with a new nanny that you like, it might be good to test out the new nanny before having them replace the current one, at first with you and your child there and if that goes well, maybe on one of those nights/weekends that your current nanny can never do. For the second test, I'd recommend paying as you would with any babysitter, the first test whether it's paid or not would depend on how long & your judgement. Anyway, that's my two cents."
"Sounds like you need more flexibility and a better situation. Doesn't matter if your expectations are too high, too low, or just right. You don't sound happy. Change can be tough, but a happier parent is worth the effort it will take to make a change. Just ask AHEAD of time, have reviews around expectations, let your nanny know if she is not up to snuff, and be a satisfied employer and not a dissatisfied one."
"Some nannies love picking up overtime hours, but I don’t think it's reasonable to expect them to do it as a part of their job. It sounds like you feel like she isn’t a great fit for your family overall. And if there are things in your contract that she isn’t doing for you, you are definitely within your rights to ask. You are paying her a lot of money so if you want something different You should make a change. There are a lot of nannies out there that are super social and would engage your kid in a social scene. One thing I have noticed is that nannies often have a different style with kids than many parents do and allow them to play independently versus always being in their faces trying to force them to play games. In my opinion, this is not necessarily a bad thing and can really foster independence. I have learned a lot about how to be like this from watching our Nanny and really try to emulate it myself now."
"You can 100% find someone who can deliver more of what you need. You didn't mention your child's age and I'm not sure the background on your nanny, but here's to give you hope: We had a traditional nanny from birth to 3.5 of my twins. When the girls started preK3 she wasn't interested in part time, and i was terrified of the change and where it would go...cut to I found someone on urbansitter. she was ~30ish, a grad student and looking for 20 hours a week. she occasionally worked at night, and was often available on school days off, since she was also in school. i (and my kids) LOVED her and cried when she left to get her PhD. We found our second sitter - going on 2.5 years now - on care.com. She's early 20s, aspiring actress (ie lots of flexibility) and works extra hours during school days off, or flexes her schedule. we have her locked into 1 night a week - but sometimes use the hours toward school days off instead, and she doesn't care. When i was interviewing for the 2nd babysitter i met 2 girls, both who lived in bk, aspiring dancers, who taught dance part time as well (ie less flexible, but still had available hours). i gave both offers. they told me they got better offers - either more money or more flexibility or them - but the point is, there are some great people out there. my reco would be to post on urbansitter or care.com (pay for a month) and interview people. be honest in your post about what your looking for so the expectation is set up front. I pay my babysitter $26/hr (started at $25) - $30 is really strong. you should find the right person. It's time consuming but will make all your lives better."
"Your expectations are not too high. For $30/hr, one kid, she should absolutely be doing the expected duties and if she's in childcare, she should engage with your kid! Flexibility for additional hours (with reasonable notice) is something I very much need in a sitter, and if mine said No to me too many times I would definitely hold that against them. I always discuss and gauge flexibility in interviews and if they don't live up to the expectations they set, that's a problem. Many people will disagree with that, but an effort at flexibility is part of building a good working relationship. If she's not flexible with you, why should you be flexible with her when she needs to go to a doctor's appt, etc? It goes both ways. 9 weeks of paid vacation is also crazy generous. For that kind of investment, you could absolutely find someone amazing."
"Listen to your gut and get someone new. It isn't about being inflexible, but it doesn't sound like she's meeting your expectations for care for your child. You and your family deserve better."
"Just to add to the chorus, your expectations are not too high and this sounds like an overly generous arrangement made with someone who is highly ambivalent, inflexible, and impersonal about the work. We made a break w a poor situation during the pandemic and when rehiring after the birth of our second, I was incredibly clear eyed about my expectations. We found a Mary Poppins. I couldn’t imagine life without her. There’s hope on the other side and you will save in headaches and gain in joy and peace of mind."
"We changed nannies after 1.5y because of many issues, and my biggest frustration was that it took me 6m to convince my husband that it was the right decision. It was super frustrating given I managed the nanny and the search process, and now my husband agrees it was 100% the right decision. Our son took a while to warm up to a new caretaker but she is a much better fit for our son and kinder presence in our home. It was worth the pain to find someone who worked better for our family, and the transition will be worth it. It sounds like your current nanny is netting $43 / hour post raise which is well above market. I might suggest finding someone who’s more on market ~$25 / hour, have them come a bit earlier to do the laundry / tidying up / cooking etc so she can be present and engaged post pick up. And screen for candidates who have some flexibility within reason."
"Unless it was specified as part of her initial agreement, I'm not surprised she's turning down evenings and weekends. I have zero interest in staying late at my job, or coming in on the weekend, and they'd get a nope nope nope if they asked. Every time. It sounds like there is much more going on just this, but I would be very clear with the next person about your expectations (one evening a month, one weekend day a month, etc) and not expect them to do it out of a sense of obligation, no matter how well you pay."
"I will echo what others have said here. She's got to go immediately. At that rate, you could find a totally engaged top-notch nanny. Her heart is not in this...and is asking you for more?? That's some nerve. There are some wonderful nannies out there just waiting to be loved by your family. This one has taken advantage."
"So this is a half time nanny who gets paid a really good salary relative to her hours who doesn't seem to want to do her job and is inflexible and unhelpful. Why does she still have a job with you? if the others in the household don't like change (esp your husband), hopefully he's paying every penny to indulge this poorly performing overpaid (relative to work output) employee. Seems like she's either taking advantage or unkind or both. Why don't you interview for a replacement and give a new person a try for a session or two, just say you "don't need" your regular person here or there (she probably won't notice or care) and then transition yourself right over to someone who reduces and doesn't add stress for you. Sometimes the hardest things to do are the ones that immediately bring us relief - and regret that we didn't do it a lot sooner. Hopefully this will be your (positive) experience here."
"I would look for someone new. The lack of engagement with your child would be a huge problem for me and your expectations there are very reasonable. Is this new? Or has it been going on for the whole 3 yrs? However, I don't think it's reasonable to expect someone to work outside of the agreed upon hours unless that's something you discussed up front. Yes, many/most nannies will sometimes work evenings and weekends (for more money, of course) but I don't think it's unreasonable for her to stick with those boundaries. If this is important for you, you should discuss it as something that is expected with the next person you hire."
MORE Advice from Parents who have had to fire their Nanny
Make sure you have let your Nanny know how you feel ahead of time:
“I wanted to add a different point, advocating for the nanny. Just as I would expect my nanny to give me adequate feedback and let me know if something wasn't working out from her perspective, I feel like it is integral to extend the same courtesy to her. As an employer, perhaps you should talk to your nanny and let her know what you are uncomfortable with and see if she can improve (or wants to), if she doesn't then, feel free to terminate the relationship knowing that you did your best. But just firing a nanny and hiring someone else without any sort of heads up does not seem fair. I do empathize though and it sounds like a difficult situation. But as employers, there are certain steps that I think it is important to follow.”
Trust your gut:
“My husband and I used to own a small business. We would agonize over whether or not to fire people. Inevitably, as time went on, the employee did something that affirmed that they should be terminated. If you feel in your gut that something is not right, you shouldn't keep her. There's already a fundamental lack of trust and this is your baby, not a small business.”
And as another mom advises, “Don't let your good heartedness get in the way of protecting your children. Trust your gut, and let [your Nanny] go, sooner rather than later.”
Last Words:
“Pearls of wisdom from this experience: Never hire a nanny without testing her out first as a babysitter. Always put a probationary period into any contract, including a severance agreement. And most importantly, trust your gut although wait long enough to be sure (I guess) because nothing is more
important than protecting our kids (not even from overt danger, but also from subtle cruelty or neglect whether it come from different generational approaches, or other reasons). And finally, sometimes in life we have to do something radical early on rather than avoid an unpleasant confrontation. It sucks and it's hard, but as we know when it comes to our precious little beings, we need to be their advocates and protector.”
Disclaimer: This post has been written for educational purposes only by Park Slope Parents and is not meant to be legal advice and should not be construed as legal advice or be relied upon. The post may contain errors, inaccuracies and/or omissions. We recommend checking with a professional for specific advice.
